A Complaining Heart...No More

"Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the LORD,

and when he heard them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the LORD burned among them and
consumed some of the outskirts of the camp." Numbers 11:11 (NIV)

I used to be really so complaining before. You see, I admit that I wanted so many things in life. I wanted so many cool and new gadgets but couldn't have them. I wanted so many wonderful clothes but couldn't buy nor wear them. I wanted to be rich beyond compare but we are still suffering from poverty. I complained and complained until I get to know Jesus more heartily.

You see, I grew up knowing Jesus, but not really believing in Him. When I get to college I was exposed to the truth and I was blessed. I began to turn my ungodly thoughts to Him and asked for forgiveness. I tried to fix my life according to His teachings. But that didn't went right.

I kept falling short. I kept backsliding without even the slightest logical reason why. I tend to go back to my worldly thoughts  and my complaints.

I blamed God for what I had became. I blamed myself why I can't excel, why I can't get to be someone worthy to love and even to brag.

But as I had read today's key verse, I was enlightened once again. I had just purchased a new cellphone I don't really like. What I wanted was the latest model with the latest and most advance technology. But I can't have that. I don't have the money. So even with a sad heart, I settled for the least cheap. But even with my heart very sad, I did not complain. Why? Because I know that I am so lucky I was blessed with loving parents who would do everything to give what I need. I was blessed with parents who are at least capable of giving our needs. Others just don't have that privilege. So I know I was blessed with God.

He may say "no" to some of my wishes, but that is only for my own good. Sometimes He withholds His "yes" to teach me a lesson I won't ever forget and to make me a better person. Sometimes He may give a permanent "no" to protect me.

God knows best what is best for me. So even with a confused heart, I would learn to trust Him everyday with everything. He decides what is best for me and I should accept that and learn to love the way things are.