Wanting to be a Free Servant of God

I really don’t know why I’m writing this. But I felt like I am compelled to document these succeeding moments in my life. You might feel like this is just some little girl’s diary afraid of the next days that will happen in her life. But I don’t really care. I just felt like I should write these stuffs and I am going to do so.
First off, it was Tuesday night, May 17, 2011 at 8:45PM to be exact when I called my mom not just to check on how they are doing (I’m miles away from my family due to my studies) but to tell them the truth that their little girl had decided to become a Christian. I really don’t think that I did a clear communication with them during that time because I am getting afraid and I was already crying because I know that they will really be mad. I really don’t know the truth but it seems like my dad is a devout Pilipinista that means he is a member of the Iglesia Filipina Independiente church – a church which sprang during the Spanish era of our country and due to the oppression the Filipinos are getting. Well, back to my story, my dad after hearing the news just told me something like, ‘Well, if you really don’t like your dad anymore and if you really want our family to be broken,’ something like that. I don’t quite remember his exact words but that was his message. I then started crying again and my dad just walked away. My mom took the phone and started scolding me about why I directly told my dad. She would have preferred that the matter was first discussed to her. But I couldn’t do that because 4 years ago when I was just starting to attend a Christian fellowship near our school, she told me to stop it because my dad would surely get mad. Thinking that my mom would say just the same words, I couldn’t risk talking to her alone and loosing my confidence of sending the message to my dad. I was once a daddy’s girl. I was so close to him, but growing up away from him due to my studies made me distant to him and it seemed like I really don’t know him anymore. My struggle of being the only Christian in the family had been on for 4 years now and I was too afraid to tell them about it. But recent activities had been confirming me that I really should tell them and set myself free from the bondage I have from the church I once belonged to. It was on the Proverbs that really struck my heart to really break free.

Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.
~~Provebs 6:5

Yes, I badly wanted that freedom. I wanted to be freely serving the Lord without fear that my family would be getting mad at me. I want to be a free servant of God. But I don’t know how to do it and I had been to several failed attempts that my spirit was becoming so low. But that night, after several days of thinking and praying about it, I finally had told them and obviously got the response I had been fearing for 4 years already.
And yesterday morning, my mom called, saying that my father was so mad that he kept on thinking about it and hadn’t been able to sleep. It seemed like my mom wants to imply that I am at fault. She even told me that I should have not abandoned my old church and I just need to compromise everything, that I just correct the things I now know to be wrong and still continue to go to that church. But knowing what the Bible says, I can’t do what my mom requests. I want to follow God, and I don’t want to do it half heartedly. I entered into this so I have to face this, even if it hurts. She even told me to talk to my dad and take my words back so that my dad would feel better, but I can’t do that either. I know lying is detestable to God and lying is still lying even if you meant good. I can’t compromise anymore. My life was already given to the Lord and I can’t take it back just so my relationship with my dad would get better.
Now, I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know if I should call my dad and talk about my decision or just remain silent and let him realize what he was missing just by getting mad that I made a decision for myself.