PresentPast&Future

'Til Death Do Us Join

2011-10-21T10:38:00.000+08:00

Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him,“Follow me!” John 21:19

Death is such a horrible state, at some point. You'd be leaving this world and your relatives and friend and everyone you dearly love. But, thinking again, it isn't that horrible after all, since it is the beginning of eternity in the arms of our loving Father.

But even if God had loved us so much, He didn't planned to take us right after we had been saved, right after we received Jesus Christ as our Saviour and Lord. I guess, no, I am certain and so does everyone else, that He has still great things to pour unto us that He don't want us to leave in this world only leaving footprints of our horrid life before we met God. No, He want's us to experience life in this world under His love and care and also giving and receiving love with His people. If He would take us, He wants us not just to be so selfish and just keep our salvation within us. He wants us to be His witnesses before He comes back. And even so, He wants us to be so prepared to enter His Kingdom. He wants us to prepare for that day, when we would be joining in in His Kingdom.

God made us and gave us life to glorify Him. And while I read John 21, I was astonished after reading verse 19. You see, even on the death of Simon Peter, it is glorifying God that has been emphasized. But, prior to that, God had asked Peter if he truly loves God, not just once but thrice. Jesus reinstated Peter even after he had denied Him three times. And God, made it sure that this time, Peter would realize that nothing else could keep us from following God but love. That is why for me, He commanded them to follow Him once more just after He had asked Peter if he truly loves Him.

Without love, deep love to God, we can never follow Him 'til death. Why? Because, if it is not, we would just scatter around when trials and temptations come our way because we are never deeply rooted with our relationship with our God.

So, until we would die, God wants us to remain in Him and His love that we may be able to follow Him 'til death do us join with Him in eternity.

Are you in His love? Are you willing to remain in Him and His love until we get to meet Him face to face?

I do...I hope you do as well... :)

Walk On Water

2011-09-20T01:22:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I've posted in here. So for now, I guess I have to update this blog with Britt Nicole's Walk On Water.

The past write-ups were things that could lift up someone's heart, but right now, I can't find a way to write something that I could share to you guys. So, for now, I'll just be pouring out what is in my heart. It would have had been wonderful if I could share only the ups of my life. But there's no helping it. I also have my downs and setback. So for now, please bear with my downs. And please pray with me to be able to get by and pass this test. ;)

For about a week or so now, I had been walking aimlessly and even sourgraping about something that has been placed in my heart. I really had been hoping for that this dream is from God. I really am not sure if what I've heard from people were confirmations that these were from God. I know what I need to do was to earnestly ask God if it really is from Him. But then, my flesh had been battling about it and even disqualifying myself for that dream. That dream was too big and I couldn't even have the faith to just let God do the things that I know He alone can do.

For about two days or maybe even longer, I had not been my self. I can't even smile to people. I just don't have that same energy I got when I was so fired up. I can't really explain what I had become these past few days, but one thing I know I did. I got doubts of the dream inside my heart instead of holding on to God all the more. I was so afraid that I couldn't get the dream come true. I was afraid that what I am hoping for would be in vain. I was afraid that I'd be hurt in the end of it if it won't turn out the way I'd hope it would.

Moreover, people around me had been growing in their faith exponentially while I was left feeling stagnant. I really had been wondering why do I grow so slow when people had been growing rapidly. I couldn't respond to everything that has been going on around me. I couldn't find where to put myself and what to do. I got wrapped by my insecurities. I really thought that insecurities are only in the physical and everything else except for the spiritual growth. But as I had observed the people around me, I can't stop myself but envy them and feel insecure and inferior for what they had become and how God had shaped their lives to great extents.

I can't figure out what to do and what was worst is that, I caved in into my own world and shut down myself out of the outside world. I tried to open up to the person I look up to as my spiritual mother but everytime I tried to approach her, I just find myself drawing back. And what's worst is that, everytime I had a failed attempt, I tend to draw back even farther from her. I was back at my usual self. I was back at hiding everything from others and not really involving anyone with my personal problems.

And while listening to Britt Nicole's Walk On Water, I just can't stop but cry, for it seemed that God was speaking to me of what was wrong. The song really just showed me how my insecurities and fear of being hurt had crept in inside of me and stopped me from really venturing on what God had placed in my heart and what God had in store for me and even on the strength and capabilities God had installed in me. I got so afraid of failing and even being hurt that I can't see that God has made me for more and that what I just need to do is trust God on what He is about to do. I just needed to trust God. And just like when God told Peter to walk on water, I also needed to trust God on stepping into the unknown, on stepping into an unsure grounds - grounds on which only God knows.

What am I to lose if I just step out into the water? That I don't even know. I had been too consumed of being hurt that I can't even see what is ahead of me if I just have the faith to walk on water, to walk with God.

As of this moment, while writing this, I am still unsure of whether I'd pass this test. For I am really afraid of the unknown, of opening my life to my spiritual mother and allowing God to move in my life like never before. I am not sure of what will happen to me after this. All I am sure of is that, I want to give it a go. But the problem is, will I have the courage to trust God this time? I wish I could say I do. But I can't. I want to just cave in. But I just can't right?

Be It Unto Me

2011-07-06T13:35:00.000+08:00

And Mary said, Yes, I see it all now: I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say...
Luke 1:38 (The Msg)

Many things had come into my life, yet I wasn't really sure of what my life is called for. Except for the fact that I am called to go and make disciples, I can't really picture myself doing something specific or becoming someone because it is God's calling. I know that it doesn't really matter what you are because God will use you anywhere you are and whoever you had become.

But still, just as Paul was sent to the Gentiles and Peter to the Jews, I believe God had placed a right field for us to do His ministry. I don't want to go on a trial period and check if I do fit in on that ministry or not. I want to be led by God as I do it. I want to be sure that I am doing the right thing, but this mindset is just wrong!

I should always be reminded that I don't need to be sure of what will be the results of my task. Because I really couldn't see the joy of serving God if I would always choose to know everything about the task before I start it. I don't want to be rational anymore. I don't want to ask God too many questions about the way He will use me.

Just as Mary had said, "I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve." I should always be ready to do what the Lord instructs me to do. Mary wasn't ready for a baby nor was she ready to enter a married life. But still she said she's ready to serve. I should do just the same. I should be a servant always ready to say, "Yes Master, what can I do for you?" I should be a servant who is always there whenever the Lord wants me to do something. I should be a servant who can drop everything in my hand whenever the Lord is giving me something to do.

And just like Mary saying, "Let it be with me just as you say." Mary wasn't sure of what will happen next. She just knows she'll be having God's son. She wasn't sure of what will become of her. But then because she was convinced that it is by God's leading, she gave in and surrendered her future to God. Just like that, and just by the command to go and make disciples, I should set out and do my task, may I be ready or not. I should be saying to the Lord, "Yes Lord! I will do it" I may be called by God in the middle of something else, but I should know that God is my first priority and whenever He prompts for me to do anything, I should be ready to go all the time.

Just like that, I should also be ready to say that, "Yes Master, I'll do it" and no questions asked. I should set a heart who is always ready to serve and to give my life for God. Even if my future will be vague after obeying Him, I should have a heart to still carry out His command and just trust Him on the details coming after. I should have a heart dependent to my Master.

It will not be an easy journey having a life of total surrender unto God's leading. There will be times where commitment is tested. I will not be sure of what will happen next to this. But I will take my risk and say to God, "Yes Master, I am Jan, at your service. I will do whatever you'll tell me to do."

How about you? Will be ready to be the Lord's maid and say "I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say."?

Dad, Happy Father's Day

2011-06-20T15:42:00.005+08:00

It's already late in here to post a father's day dedication. But still, I would want to post this. The truth is, I miss my dad so much! I miss him that I want to cry out and shout to the world how I miss him. It hurts me thinking that there is a great wall being built between us because I chose to follow God. But then again, I still love my dad despite of the situation. I guess this is one trial that I have to pass to prove how sincere I am in following God.

Below is a little letter to my dad. I know he would never be able to read this, but I don't care. I just have to do this or else I'll really burst out (I'm just not good in handling emotions :/ ).

Dad,
Thank you for giving life to me. Thank you that you gave me the chance to experience life here on earth. Thank you for all the hardships you have to go through just to send me to school and just to give me a wonderful life. Thank you for the wonderful moments we had shared together. Thank you for believing in me and being my No. 1 fan.
I know that we are not in good terms all the times, but I want you to know that I love you so much. I take pride in being your child. I used to do things to make you proud of me and I guess I still do.
I'm sorry that I couldn't give you all you wish for me. I'm sorry that at times I couldn't meet your expectations, but I want you to know that I tried my best so that you could be proud of me. I'm sorry that I had stumbled so many times and gave shame to you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be the best kid you want me to be.
Happy father's day dad!
I love you dad and I miss you so much!

Your daughter,
Jan

P.S. I'll always be waiting for the day that you'll accept me for who I am and for what I believe in.

Too Many Add-ons

2011-06-20T10:52:00.000+08:00

Mat 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Being a computer person, I couldn't help myself but find means to really optimize the use of my computer. Same as with the internet. I wanted to have the best of my internet use. I want faster speed and great results. I just wanted to have the best output of everything. And I guess, it is also true for you.
While I search for ways of how to optimize the internet speed, I found out that one reason or perhaps the most profound reason for having a slow internet speed is because of the too many add-ons (Firefox and Internet Explorer) or extensions (Google Chrome )we have on our browsers. These things slows up the speed since they too sends thousands of bytes per second we don't necessarily need at the moment. Then, wanting to have our search results and even webpages loading faster, we bacame frustrated because of the lesser speed.
That is also true on our daily lives. We wanted to have faster results on our lives and we wanted to have the best of everything, even on our daily walk with Christ. We noticed at some point that it seems like it takes us forever to learn a thing or two. At times, we get frustrated because we immediately can't see the glory of God being manifested in our lives the way we want it to be. You see, the cares of this life - our work, bills, debts, finances and even our very self - are just like add-ons. We can't focus on just having one result being diplayed on our life screens because at the same time, we also wanted to get a result on how our jobs are doing, on whether our bills are near to overdue or what to pay to the debt collectors, or where to find money to finance to the family's needs or perhaps when could we find a time to sit and relax and have ourselves pampered.
If we really want to see God being manifested on our lives, then we should get rid of all those add-ons. We need to focus on just one thing - God. As we slowly remove those add-ons, we see that God's revelation of Himself to us getting faster, just like when we minimize all the add-ons and just let the browser do its main purpose - view search results and webpages. As we do the same thing - doing our main purpose in life - we see that we become best at it. We then see faster results on the main screen. God then became more accessible to us when we focus on just Him on the screen and nothing and no one else.
How about you? Are you having the same experience and wanting to see God alone being displayed in your life screen and not those add-ons? Just come to God and let Him clear away all those add-ons that you may focus on Him alone.

Scribbles

2011-06-17T21:36:00.002+08:00

Wow! It took me like forever to post again in here. But thank God I had managed to snatch some time off and drop some scribbles in here. I was scanning through all my paper stuffs to throw away all those unnecessary ones when I saw my previous devotional notes. Scanning through the pages, I had a great time reading my thoughts, then I came upon this short scribbling.

But knowledge puffs up, while love builds up. Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. But whoever loves God is known by God.
1 Corinthians 8:1b-3

Knowledge, that is something anyone ca have then and there after reading or listening to something. But love is different. It just doesn't sprout immediately upon knowing something. You need to work it out if you want that love to grow and be shown fully to the rest of the world.
Sometimes, the knowledgeable thinks they know everything. Yet, even the Bible scholars can still easily be deceived by the enemy that they already know everything about God especially that they had gone through the Bible several times and had into extensive study of it. Some of us might even think that we already know what God would say about this and that. But the reality is that we can never know the fullness of God. There is no pattern we can decode that will enable us to predict God's every plan for us. Only by His leading will we be able to know what God has called us for.
But we just have to love Him. God knows those who love Him. God makes himself known to those who loves Him. But then again, that love shouldn't just be left as it is. It should be worked out and it should be nourished so that it will grow and our love for Him will deepen.

#3 The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17)

2011-06-07T13:13:00.002+08:00

Being a Christian for sometime now, I felt ashamed that I really do not memorize the Ten Commandments of God. I only have snippets of it in my mind. I haven't even had read the whole Bible yet. But, that should not keep me from following God. I may have little knowledge about the entire Bible but I am learning. And I believe that going through this supposedly 30-day of Beginning Your Walk with Jesus Christ would help me in becoming more closer to God. Besides, it is not about how much you know but how you had lived for God. It is all about how you had dedicated your life to the one who saved you. And speaking of which, I felt a little bit sad reading this,

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. ~~ Exodus 20:4

Before I thought that idols were those statues we had been worshiping before, but then having a deep thought of it, I don't think about it that way now. I assessed myself and asked if I had made any idol in any form. And, boom! It hit me. What idols really are, are those that take you away from God. They are those that are stealing your attention from Him. And a lot of these things had stole my undivided devotion to God.

For sometime now, I really wanted to have the iPhone. But I couldn't, so I kept on dreaming and thinking about it. There were even times when I just stare at an image of it - an idol! I've dreamed of having things, mostly techie. But then those were not just the idols I had made for myself. I haven't noticed it but I had even been into idolizing people, even the man I wish would be the man to whom God will hand me over. I never realized it until recently that I am slowly making him an idol. I try to have a sneak peak of even just one image of him. And now, I am ashamed of myself for behaving like that. But then people, even and especially if they are Christians, shouldn't be taking our focus from God. Instead, they should be drawing us closer to Him. So, after realizing that I had been making these idols unconsiously, I decided to stop it. I decided to stop thinking about the iPhone and all those crazy gadgets. I decided to stop thinking even about that man, I say, if he is really the man God sent for me, I should not be acting this way, instead I should be drawn closer to God instead of being taken away from Him.

God is a jealous God. And when our gaze and our devotion is not in Him, He gets jealous and punishes those who stop devoting themselves to Him. I don't want to be punished and I certainly don't want to end my devotion to God, to the one man who would never abandone me - Jesus.

It isn't easy to walk away from those things you love. But, if I were to be asked who or what to choose, I'd pick God instead of those things and instead of any other person. I'd chose to be with my Father forever.

How about you? Had you been drawn away from God in any way? Had your gaze been away from Him? Had you been unconsciously having an undivided attention with Him?

If then, just turn back to God and make Him the center of your attention once more. Ask for forgiveness and He will surely forgive you.

Explain God

2011-06-05T21:10:00.001+08:00

It was written by an 8 year old, Danny Dutton of Chula Vista, CA, for his third grade homework assignment. The assignment was to explain God. Wonder if any of us could do as well?

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth.

He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your Mom and Dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.

Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind, like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.

His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.

You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they've got it worked out so that one of them is on duty all the time.

You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.

If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.

But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases.

And...that's why I believe in God.

(All credits are to the author of this article. This article was taken from THYLACINE'S LAIR.)

#2 A People for God (Gen. 28:10-15; Gen. 32:22-28)

2011-06-03T10:07:00.000+08:00

God just revealed to Jacob that He will bless him and that he and his descendants will abundantly live. Jacob and his descendants are the People of God, His chosen people.

But what does this has to do with me? Am I part of this? Seriously, I've had times of struggling to understand what God is saying, until I had allowed Him to speak to me personally. All these times I had been reading like I was studying for an exam. I hadn't been reading from my heart. Until recently.

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." Gen. 28:15

Personally, I want to entitle this post "Holding On".

Had you ever had a time when you had felt like you are all alone? that you had nowhere to run? no one to talk to? no one to confide on? Well, I had. Not just that I felt it. It was physical. I am all alone in our rented house and sometimes I felt that it seems like I can't stand the loneliness. But having read the verse above, I wanted to weep. I wanted to cry out and shout to the Lord.

I may be all alone struggling with problems and dealings of this life, but I will never be totally alone. I gave myself to God and apart from Him I am nothing. So, while I am alive, and as long as I believe in Him, I will never be alone again. For God will be there watching me and He will be with me wherever I go. He will never leave me and He will keep His promises.

When you remember that there is a God who will constantly be there for you, who is consistent with every word He says, isn't it wonderful to feel like you can never be defeated? like all your problems can disappear any moment? like you are powerful and any force in this world is powerless against you? Sometimes, we forget who we are in the sight of the Lord. But then, we should remember that He even gave food to the birds and clothed the lilies, how much more the people He redeemed, His children? Aren't we far more than any creature He created?

I realized that, no matter how hard a situation is and no matter how we are going, we just need to hold on to God. We just need to hold on because He is a God who is consistent with His words. He is consistent with His promises. He is a God who never leaves nor forsakes His people. And we should hold on to that because we are His children and we are precious in His eyes and His children always have His favor in the end. We just need to trust in Him and hold on.

#1 The Fall of Humanity (Genesis 3:1-19)

2011-05-28T07:49:00.002+08:00

Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." ~~ (Gen 3:13)

"The serpent deceived me, and I ate." These words are very familiar to us. It was the start of it all, the fall of Adam and Eve and eventually the fall of us all. The cause of why we are all going to perish unless we come to God and receive His gift - eternal life.

Because of what Adam and Eve had done, we have to suffer. All the good things, all the blessings God intended them and for us vanished in an instant, all because of sin. A single disobedience, caused Adam to work hard on the field to be able to live. Eve has to suffer severe pain on childbirth. And how true is that today? God, didn't just spoke to Adam and Eve about this. He is speaking to all of us. We, being Adam and Eve's sons and daughters had inherited sin and therefore, it is our nature to sin. We are all sinners and what God gave as a punishment is also intedended for us.

As I read it again, there is one thing that had been lacking on God's and Adam and Eve's conversation. Wonder what it is? It was repentance. Eve didn't knew of repentance because she never sin before. After knowing that she had disobeyed God's command, she just confessed it honestly to God, but, (there is that big BUT in there), she never asked forgiveness from the Lord. She never said "Forgive me Lord, for I have disobeyed you." No, she never said that.

And that scenario is also evident and is very true today.Unless we come to God and ask for His forgiveness we have to suffer a lot and have to work hard because God's blessings is not in us. Before we have known God, before we had accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Savior and Lord, we never took our deeds seriously. We never saw what we are doing, that the wrong things we are doing are something that has to do with what we are gaining. We never saw our deeds as something offensive to the Lord. We were blinded, we were deceived. We thought that our actions are just fine, that it is alright to do them. That is why, we had never asked for forgiveness before. That is why there are times that we just acknowledge that it seemes we are doing the bad things yet still continue to do them.

God couldn't bless because of sin, because of disobedience. You see, after what Eve and Adam had done, what they had received were curses. That is also very true to us, unless sin is taken away from us, unless we are made pure again, we will never ba able to receive the blessings God had already prepared for us. Unless, we receive God's gift of forgiveness and eternal life through Jesus Christ, we will never see and receive the blessings God has in store for His children, for us.

30 Days for Beginning Your Walk With Christ

2011-05-27T16:15:00.004+08:00

Just this January, I bought another Bible, an NIV translation. It is the New Women's Devotional Bible from Zondervan. But apparently, I never really did the devotional parts of it. I was making my own devotional. But then, I said to myself just recently, what would be the use of buying a devotional Bible if I won't make use of the devotionals in there. So, I said, I'd do it. I was planning to start today but then I woke up very late. It was so weird that I got all this paranoid last night. I was thinking I heard someone climbing down the roof to the back of our house. I was restless last night and when God woke me up at dawn during my usual waking ours, I didn't really got up and went back to sleep feeling my body all sore and really tired. Actually, this could never be a valid reason for not starting today. So, I said, if I can return early from our Bible study group after my work, I would start it. But my mind is really thinking that I should start tomorrow morning when my mind is all fresh and I am not tired from all the work I have to do during the day.
So, whichever would happen, I would start the 30 Days for Beginning Your Walk With Christ. Actually, I could have had picked other 30 Days study, but I chose to start to the basics, to where we should really go back, to the foundations of our faith.
Actually, one of the reasons why I am doing this is that, my housemate had mentioned about this 50 days she had planned. She said that if you really want to know what God is planning for your life, start by having a 50 day of intimacy to the Lord. And I said to myself, "If they are having this statistical observation, then, I say, I'd do more that just a 50 day."
So, I planned on having a continuous journey with the Lord starting on the very basics of our faith, starting on this 30 day and then continue with another 30 day devotion.
I do hope that I can make this first step towards having an intimate relationship with Him. This 30 Day journey is my first step and this is apart from my regular devotional time.You can take it as an additional to my everyday quiet time with the Lord. ;)

I Have Overcome

2011-05-25T20:31:00.004+08:00

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. ~~1 John 4:4

You see, even before, I wanted to look tough than I really am. And, sad to say that it seems like my family thought so too. So, I had grown up making people think that I am. But then, just as any other story, I know for the fact that I am very vulnerable, I'm soft and I'm weak and definitely very weak on the inside. Although you really wouln't think so because I am a little bit sporty even if I don't do that much sports and even exercise when I came to live in the city where everything seemed to be in a hurry. I can't seem to catch up on everything, which hindered me from having a real good time under the sun.

Anyway, all these time, I thought I really couldn't win the heart of my father to Jesus although, I do believe that they will be saved, because God said so. But, I really don't know how. I kept on telling myself, "Don't give yourself a headache thinking of that Jan, for only God knows how to deal with them. Just focus on becoming closer to God." But I can't make myself believe on those words. It seemed like I wanted to make this absurd master plan, of which I don't know what it is, and make them understand my faith. But still, I can't. I didn't. I never did anything that would make them understand me. I was choked up with the idea that I am too weak on the inside, too weak to handle something this big. I was chained with the lies of the devil that I am weak no matter how tough I want to look.

When no one is watching, when I am all alone, that weakness is being revealed. The emptiness and the feeling of being lonely slowly crepts in me like there is no hope of having someone to be with me during the bad times. Lie after lie slowly pops out of my head and surrounds me. Like it was determined to blind me, to kill me.

Even how hard I cry out to God during those times, it seemed like I can't feel Him being there which of course is just one of the devils lies. I am blinded. It seemed like, the more closer I want to be with God, to know Him, the farther I am from Him. It seemed like there was no hope for me.

But then, todays devotional struck my heart. Those lies I had believed until today seemed to slowly disappear as I read 1 John 4:4. God had already overcome the world for me. He is greater than any of us in here. He is greater than the devil. Of course, I've known of that fact for so long now but then, it is different when you felt like God is really speaking to you during those quite moments. It is different when you know that you are on a date with Him. That you know that that day, God is encountering you.

I was so afraid of my dad all these days, I had utmost respect for him, probably even to tie with that I have for God. I had so much pride in him even if he isn't the ideal dad I would want to have. But that shouldn't be like that. My father and my family are mere humans, created by God. Yes, he is my biological father, but my real father is that who is in heaven. My real father is God. I was just entrusted to my earthly father while I am on my human journey in preparation for my eternal life with Him. I never understood that until this morning. I shouldn't be afraid of him because I know my identity in the eyes of God. I am His precious daughter. I am His princess, and He delights in me.

Further, in the next verse, it says "They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them."

Therefore, I should not expect that they would understand me. But, this doesn't mean that they would never understand me forever. For I too was once like them - blinded from the truth. Until they would know what love is, they will never ba able to understand me.

Until I could show them what true love is, what God's love is like, their eyes will never be opened, their ears will never be able to listen.

Further in 1 John 4:18 it says,
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen."

The love I have received from Him, from my real Father ought to be passed on to those who are lost, to those who have not known their real Father. Only by that will they know who God is. Because through that love, I live in God and He in me (1 John 4:16). And, when He is in me, it is not I who they would be able to see, but God.

God already had a plan of saving my family, of reaching my family. It was done 2000 years ago (1 John 4:9-10). And all I have to do, since I had loved him because he first loved me (1 John 4:19) is to show that love, to pass that love to others- to my family- through loving them(1 John 4:21).

Now, I will no longer be afraid to face my father and show him who I am. Now I could have the confidence of showing them that I live in God's love, that sometimes this child they thought had never had weak moments actually is weak and just takes the strength she needs from hear real father, her everything, her God.

School of Leaders 1 Graduation

2011-05-22T21:21:00.000+08:00

Yay! I am now a School of Leaders 1 (SOL1) graduate!!! Glory be to God! \o/

Yes, and to prove that *grinning*, I have a picture here, of my certificate. :)

There it is guys, now you know my real name and you know our local church (City Gates Christian Center). haha..
Anyway, the text says,

MARIJAN LUVLEE C. MUGOT has successfully completed the 10 weeks School of Leaders Level 1 Leadership training course and is now qualified to obey Jesus command to go and make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:18-20).

Yay! Well, actually, I've been doing discipleship for a while now. But, going through the Ladder of Success as Pastor Cesar Castellanos says it, is all worth it. For the trainings had really gave me great things to ponder on. I've learned so many things during the 10 weeks of Sunday classes.
Speaking of the training, you may wonder what this Ladder of Success is. To give you a little knowledge of this, it is actually an idea given by God to Pastor Cesar Castellanos of Bogota. The ladder comprises of the Pre-Encounter, Encounter, Post-Encounter, SO1 1,2 &3 (PEPSOL). It is actually a part of the G12 Vision or the Government of 12, where leaders are mentoring and leading 12 people to walk in the Christian faith as patterned on Jesus' discipleship. Of course, Jesus was our ultimate model.
This vision had made a really great revival at Bogota. It is now 2 years since our local church had adopted the vision and now, we are proclaiming and we are believing that a great revival is coming to the Visayas and even the entire Philippines. So pray for us guys. :)

Wanting to be a Free Servant of God

2011-05-19T14:37:00.005+08:00

I really don’t know why I’m writing this. But I felt like I am compelled to document these succeeding moments in my life. You might feel like this is just some little girl’s diary afraid of the next days that will happen in her life. But I don’t really care. I just felt like I should write these stuffs and I am going to do so.
First off, it was Tuesday night, May 17, 2011 at 8:45PM to be exact when I called my mom not just to check on how they are doing (I’m miles away from my family due to my studies) but to tell them the truth that their little girl had decided to become a Christian. I really don’t think that I did a clear communication with them during that time because I am getting afraid and I was already crying because I know that they will really be mad. I really don’t know the truth but it seems like my dad is a devout Pilipinista that means he is a member of the Iglesia Filipina Independiente church – a church which sprang during the Spanish era of our country and due to the oppression the Filipinos are getting. Well, back to my story, my dad after hearing the news just told me something like, ‘Well, if you really don’t like your dad anymore and if you really want our family to be broken,’ something like that. I don’t quite remember his exact words but that was his message. I then started crying again and my dad just walked away. My mom took the phone and started scolding me about why I directly told my dad. She would have preferred that the matter was first discussed to her. But I couldn’t do that because 4 years ago when I was just starting to attend a Christian fellowship near our school, she told me to stop it because my dad would surely get mad. Thinking that my mom would say just the same words, I couldn’t risk talking to her alone and loosing my confidence of sending the message to my dad. I was once a daddy’s girl. I was so close to him, but growing up away from him due to my studies made me distant to him and it seemed like I really don’t know him anymore. My struggle of being the only Christian in the family had been on for 4 years now and I was too afraid to tell them about it. But recent activities had been confirming me that I really should tell them and set myself free from the bondage I have from the church I once belonged to. It was on the Proverbs that really struck my heart to really break free.

Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.
~~Provebs 6:5

Yes, I badly wanted that freedom. I wanted to be freely serving the Lord without fear that my family would be getting mad at me. I want to be a free servant of God. But I don’t know how to do it and I had been to several failed attempts that my spirit was becoming so low. But that night, after several days of thinking and praying about it, I finally had told them and obviously got the response I had been fearing for 4 years already.
And yesterday morning, my mom called, saying that my father was so mad that he kept on thinking about it and hadn’t been able to sleep. It seemed like my mom wants to imply that I am at fault. She even told me that I should have not abandoned my old church and I just need to compromise everything, that I just correct the things I now know to be wrong and still continue to go to that church. But knowing what the Bible says, I can’t do what my mom requests. I want to follow God, and I don’t want to do it half heartedly. I entered into this so I have to face this, even if it hurts. She even told me to talk to my dad and take my words back so that my dad would feel better, but I can’t do that either. I know lying is detestable to God and lying is still lying even if you meant good. I can’t compromise anymore. My life was already given to the Lord and I can’t take it back just so my relationship with my dad would get better.
Now, I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know if I should call my dad and talk about my decision or just remain silent and let him realize what he was missing just by getting mad that I made a decision for myself.

Yes! I am on a Mat - But I Want to Get Up

2011-05-16T17:21:00.002+08:00

Read Jesus' next words to this man: "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." (John 5:8, NIV)

Through this story, I came to know the truth of Hebrews 4:12 (NIV): "For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

I surrendered my heart and all that held it captive to God. He whispered in my ear, "Wendy, I have a most beautiful and abundant life for you, but you will never know that life until you have the courage to get up off your mat and walk." God's Word came alive. He spoke personally to me, and in that moment, I committed to take a first step off my mat.

~~ Wendy Blight

As I read Wendy's entry for Encouragement Today I burst into tears. Not because I sympathize with what Wendy had shared but because I saw myself on the man's shoes. I haven't thought that I am behaving like this until now. My situation was slowly crippling me. Yes, I am still active at church but my situation is slowly killing my spirit. These past few days, my heart is being burdened by somethings which others might think is easy to solve.
I am the first Christian in my family and if you live in a common Filipino home you'll know that children follow the religion their parents are into and it isn't easy to have your personal choice over such thing. We do have the freedom of religion, yes. But it isn't actually like that within most homes. We are forced to go to the church our parents are going.
For 20 years I am forced to believe in my parent's church and my grandma is threatening us that if we transfer to other churches then they will disown us and it may even cause her health to go down plus several other threats.
Those were the chains slowly killing me. I love my family so much that I grabbed that lie and just let things happen. So, up until now, I am living in my family's shadows and doesn't have my own voice to follow. Well, not really, I do go to a Christian church without my family knowing. I am hiding the truth from them about it but I don't want to hide anymore. I want them to accept me for what I believe in and what my decisions are. But I don't know how to tell it to them. It's as if my voice flies away from me the moment I want to tell them the truth.
And for the past few days, my devotionals and the seminars I had gone through tells me to just tell my family about it, and I really want to. I want to end this misery and just worship God freely. I want to be a free servant of God. I want to get up from the mat and walk under God's shadows.

Thy Will be Done

2011-05-11T08:29:00.002+08:00

At church, we develop a habit of not eating breakfast until we have finished our devotional as a sign and reminder to us that spiritual food is more important than physical food. So, we have eat our "daily bread" first before we get to have our breakfast. Also, we have adopted a pattern for our devotional which is very easy and short and makes us remember what we have heard from God for today. We call it the MPCWA pattern or the Message, Promise, Command, Warning, and Application pattern.

Message is our RHEMA word for the day,the message we feel like the very message God wants us to grasp for that day.

Promises are things God promises us for the future, may it be near or not.

Commands are of course things God wants us to do to become more mature in our spiritual life, things we need to practice and things which we need to do that day.

Warnings are like "Watch out!" sign from God.

Application is the only thing that can't be seen in the Bible. It is our personal applications of the above things. It has to be personalized so that we can easily remember it throughout the day. Applications have to be "I" or "Me" things.

Anyway, at church, we suggest that for babies, you just start with one chapter a day and starting from John and pair it with a Proverbs a day. Since Proverbs has 31 days, so we suggest you read the chapter corresponding to the present date.

To have a sample of it, here is a simple devotional for the day:

James 4

MESSAGE:
Jas 4:4 You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

PROMISE:
Jas 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

COMMAND:
Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Jas 4:8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double- minded.

WARNING:
Jas 4:14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
Jas 4:15 Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

APPLICATION:
I will not soak in the internet for today, and just work.
I will not speak of something to someone that makes me become proud of who I am today.
To come near to God, I will do my devotionals and pray everyday.
Today, I will not think of what my future is like but just submit my life to God.

Proverbs 11
MESSAGE:
Pro 11:3 The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
Pro 11:20 The LORD detests men of perverse heart but he delights in those whose ways are blameless.

PROMISE:
Pro 11:8 The righteous man is rescued from trouble, and it comes on the wicked instead.
Pro 11:18 The wicked man earns deceptive wages, but he who sows righteousness reaps a sure reward.
Pro 11:19 The truly righteous man attains life, but he who pursues evil goes to his death.

COMMAND:
Pro 11:16 A kindhearted woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth.
Pro 11:25 A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

WARNING:
Pro 11:1 The LORD abhors dishonest scales, but accurate weights are his delight.
Pro 11:21 Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished, but those who are righteous will go free.

APPLICATION:
I will show integrity on my wrok today and even on the G12 Seminar later.
I will not do something foolish today and will be careful that my ways are righteous.
I will not cheat on my working hours today.
I will be kind to even one person today.
I will give something to eat or drink to someone today.

Simple isn't it? But, as you grow in your walk with the Lord and have a deeper relationship with Him, you'll see that your understanding of His word will also deepen. Be patient on your spiritual walk for being Christ-like is a process. It doesn't just happen in one instance. :)

God bless you...

Thank You, Lord

2010-08-07T06:55:00.000+08:00

"Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me." Psalm 66:16 (NIV)

Just last night, I prayed again that I wanted to really change for the better. You see, I am just like any other man, sinful in nature. I tend to grudge and loathe people who had hurt me. I don't want to forgive and give second chances to them. But as I prayed yesterday, one thing had cleared out on me. I wouldn't be able to really follow God and glorify Him unless I learn to forgive and let go of the grudge and the past. So, I made a promise. I would forgive those people who had hurt me, may it be intentional or not. And, as I proceed to do just that, I would continue to grow in Him and learn His ways. I may stumble and screw up later, but that won't stop me from living a life pleasing to Him. I promised to bring joy to Him and continue to glorify His name. So, even if I had been dormant for a year, that won't even stop me. I would do everything to be in tune with God's thoughts for me.
Being a college student made me distant from Him. I tend to worry about how I would manage my allowance, my job and my time in studying. I worried yet I wasn't doing anything about the situation. I just whined about it and then proceeded with going out with the people I thought were real friends. I don't tend to judge and blame them but being with more people who aren't really helping in my spiritual life just drains the energy out of me making me unproductive all throughout the day. Then days become weeks, months become a year and here I am, stagnant and unproductive.
So, last night, I told to myself, i would become unproductive and I would learn His ways and glrofiy HIs name.
Lately, I was so attached to the thought of having someone I would love and would love me back. I was yearning for a love from a person I thought was the right one. Well, I couldn't really know if he is the right one. But what had happened during the past weeks proved him not worthy of my love. But, things had already happened. We became close, more closer than friends. I hoped for love and even before commitment, a heartbreak had pierced my heart and crunched it. I was hurt even before love was there. I don't know what to do. My life then seemed to go nowhere. I don't have the strength to get up every morning and bring myself to school. Things had been left unattended and unfinished. I was in a loop once more. And if I won't do anything about it soon, I would again fail and become more miserable than I am now. I don't want to have any regrets anymore. I am still lost and finding my way to the right path.
But as I try to find it, I will do everything not to overlook what God had done for me even if I was not on His side. I will try to remember everything He had done just to bring me back into His loving embrace and security.
Love from a person who would be with me for the rest of my human life can wait. But the love from God can't wait. It needs to be nourished, cared for and returned to Him. So, as I continue my day, I would be a living joy in Him. I would bring a smile in His face and would do the most powerful prayer He wanted to receive, "Thank you, Lord."
Why that? Simply because, even if I had been into a heartache and my life seemed to have no direction, He is still there for me just waiting for my return. He still love me no less than the very first moment I was cast in this world. He never ceased to bring me love and care. I just didn't noticed that. I was so focused with the unnecessary details.
So, starting now, I would try to see the bigger picture and say thank you to whatever the situation may be. For God, didn't allowed sufferings and heartaches for nothing. He wants us to grow through it and strengthen our faith and trust in Him. Failures may strike on us, but He promised to make a way out of it. He won't leave us hanging. He is always there to help us.
So thank you Lord for all that you have showed me and done for me.

Staying in Tune with God - Sunshine Amidst a Storm

2010-06-01T01:59:00.000+08:00

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

~~1 Thessalonians 5:16- 18

I had always wanted to seek God's will for me. I tried to ask Him too specific questions, but I kept on receiving no answer. I never realized that I was focused on wrong things. It doesn’t really matter what decisions I choose because no matter what life I want, He only wants one thing for us – ultimate JOY and PEACE in Him. Decisions like what school to go to, course to take up, and offers and opportunities to grab aren’t as important as being in tune with God’s will and staying synched with Him in molding us into the person He wanted everyone to be.

I tried to be praying to Him continuously, but it wasn’t that heartfelt. It was as if I pray because I couldn’t do anything for the situation, which is just wrong. God doesn’t just work when we ask Him to or when we urgently need Him ASAP. He wanted us to grow in Him and be mature in all ways. He wanted us to acknowledge Him in being a part of our growing up in sadness and in joy and not just in worried hours.

He is working in us every single second we stay here on earth and it is our duty to stay synched with Him as He continuously mold us into a unique masterpiece He would be proud of and He would be glorified. He wanted us to pray earnestly to Him and offer Him every single detail of our lives. He wanted us to give thanks in everything that has happened. He allowed everything to happen on a purpose. Bad things will come and may have already passed, but he did not allowed that to happen to punish us but to give us a lesson, to nurture us and to strengthen us. He wants us to have a joyful heart and be at peace with Him in all circumstances.

He never wanted us get withered but he wanted us to grow beautifully inside-out. He wanted to bring about the best of what we are.

Everyday and even life turning decisions aren’t as crucial as having a joyful heart and having a lifestyle in synched with that of God. For no matter what life we may be, with God as the center of it, everything will be as light as a smiling face and as pleasant as a glittering eyes filled with joy and love, sunshine amidst a storm.

A Complaining Heart...No More

2010-05-18T20:28:00.002+08:00

"Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the LORD,

and when he heard them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the LORD burned among them and
consumed some of the outskirts of the camp." Numbers 11:11 (NIV)

I used to be really so complaining before. You see, I admit that I wanted so many things in life. I wanted so many cool and new gadgets but couldn't have them. I wanted so many wonderful clothes but couldn't buy nor wear them. I wanted to be rich beyond compare but we are still suffering from poverty. I complained and complained until I get to know Jesus more heartily.

You see, I grew up knowing Jesus, but not really believing in Him. When I get to college I was exposed to the truth and I was blessed. I began to turn my ungodly thoughts to Him and asked for forgiveness. I tried to fix my life according to His teachings. But that didn't went right.

I kept falling short. I kept backsliding without even the slightest logical reason why. I tend to go back to my worldly thoughts and my complaints.

I blamed God for what I had became. I blamed myself why I can't excel, why I can't get to be someone worthy to love and even to brag.

But as I had read today's key verse, I was enlightened once again. I had just purchased a new cellphone I don't really like. What I wanted was the latest model with the latest and most advance technology. But I can't have that. I don't have the money. So even with a sad heart, I settled for the least cheap. But even with my heart very sad, I did not complain. Why? Because I know that I am so lucky I was blessed with loving parents who would do everything to give what I need. I was blessed with parents who are at least capable of giving our needs. Others just don't have that privilege. So I know I was blessed with God.

He may say "no" to some of my wishes, but that is only for my own good. Sometimes He withholds His "yes" to teach me a lesson I won't ever forget and to make me a better person. Sometimes He may give a permanent "no" to protect me.

God knows best what is best for me. So even with a confused heart, I would learn to trust Him everyday with everything. He decides what is best for me and I should accept that and learn to love the way things are.

A Helping Hand Even with Just a Little of Everything

2010-05-11T16:23:00.001+08:00

Its summer in our place by the time I write this. I did not enrolled for a summer class since I thought I would be transferring school due to some personal and selfish reasons I thought we’re enough. But then things change, including my thoughts. So I had planned of staying for another semester in a school I thought wasn’t the best school to attend to.

Anyway, I’m writing this piece right now because I thought that my 6:47 has been wasted so many times and that I could have done so many things yet I did not. So many regrets had passed and there is this one regret I couldn’t really let go of.

As I go to school every day walking down the street and trying to be as poised and good-looking as I can be, I always pass by this beggar on the street. He is a matter of fact just another beggar I could find on the busy streets. There was even already a story about him on our school publication a year ago. But it was written the negative way. It says that the writer had a longing to help this beggar but then when he did that he was dismayed to find out that every cent he gives to the beggar wasn’t actually used properly. The beggar would gamble and even use the money to buy cigarette. That wasn’t the thing that the writer wanted it to be. He wanted the beggar to use it to buy food so that he won’t be hungry anymore even just for the day. But the beggar wasted the money and the writer got dismayed so he wrote an article letting the whole school know of this beggar whom he thought wasn’t worthy to be helped.

But hey! I had another version of that beggar. Just as the writer was, I wanted to help the beggar but then because of the article I changed my mind and neglected the plea of the beggar every day that I saw him at the front of our school gate. I tried to bring food to him but I constantly forget so I always pass by him without giving him food or even just coins.

I pity myself whenever I pass buy him empty handed. I wanted to give him even a little but there is something that held me not to do it.

So after I had read the 6:47 of Marybeth Whalen, I told to myself I would never pass an opportunity to be able to offer what little I have on helping others in need.

God wants us to offer to Him even the little things we have at the moment.

Just as what he said when He fed the 5000 men. He said,

“Well, what do you have? Go and see…” (Mark 6:38 (NIV)

After reading that verse, I felt like I was about to cry. I realized how many times had I neglected the call of God to serve the people even with just a little bit of money, of time, or resources, and of energy. God didn’t wanted more of what we can offer. He wanted us to offer what little we have and let trust Him in doing the rest and multiply it.

I may not be able to be as active on our church as I wanted to and I may not be able to be on a humanitarian mission as I’d always wanted to be, but a simple help, a simple giving would let me be able to show God that I care for whoever might want a helping hand.

I’ve always wanted to be on a humanitarian mission feeding up and helping the very least. But I won’t be ready for a task like that when I can’t even spread a lending hand to a simple plea of a beggar I longed to help.

Until I’ve overcome this, I won’t be able to help more people as I’d wanted to.

2010-05-03T16:30:00.003+08:00

As I wake-up today, I realized that I must start fixing up my own life. For these past years, it had always been a mess. I am so much full of the routine of waking up in the morning full of unsolved problems, unpaid bills, unprepared exams, unfinished requirements and feeling exhausted early in the morning. I don’t want this life. I don’t want a life like this. So, I woke up (still thinking of so many unpaid bills), prepared something to eat, went through the blog I am working at and then through my emails. I just received a couple of notifications on who followed me on twitter J and then some newsletters I had subscribed on. One of these newsletters is the Encouragement for today from the Proverbs 31 Ministries. It had been a long time since I had read the newsletters (they had just been sorted to a group on my email and not being read). This morning I decided to read one of the newsletters. It was entitled “Hoarding What you Have” by Wendy Pope (Matthew 25:25 was the key verse). It really hit me. These past few days, all I had been thinking is how to be able to get by on so many bills to pay yet so little amount of money. What my problem is that, I spend so much money on unimportant stuff and then realizing at the end of the day of so many unpaid bills (some even on their overdue). You got it, I am a shopaholic. I know it’s not good but I can’t help but shop for things I want to buy even with the knowledge that it isn’t even worth it. Yes, I spend so much on clothes (but ending up loosing them to my sisters), hair and nail treatments, and I even eat a lot (although I am not fat at all).

But, I am all full of these things now. I just want to be better. I just want to change. I want to save money, pay my bills and not have any credits anymore. I want to live a life not afraid of loosing too much. I want to live a life not afraid to mess up by trying to be better and trying to improve.

So what I will do today is here:

1. Daily Planner – Use my daily planner to really be able to manage my time on more important things.

2. Sort out my schedule – Since I now have a daily planner, I would sort out my schedule and try to follow them.

3. To do list – even with my daily planner, I have to make a separate to do list so that I would know what things needed to be done.

4. Make a list of my credits and try not to lengthen them.

5. Study time – I am so bad at studying so I have to make a definite schedule as to when I would be studying.

6. Quiet time – This is so important to keep me on track, I need God’s word to guide me all through out so I have to make a quiet time schedule.

7. Work schedule – I owe my company 50 hours of work this week, so I have to make a work schedule for this week to make-up for the hours I owe them ( I don’t want to lose my job).

I don’t know yet what other things I need to do and change, but for now, these things would do. I hope I can do it this time. ~~

Yet Another Dream

2010-04-25T14:40:00.002+08:00

I've never experienced this for a long time now. But I guess, the longing for some love opened up the chances of feeling this way over a dream. Yes, just last night, I've dreamed about a guy (he used to be my crush for some time in the past). As introvert as I am, I've been walking aimlessly on a street when I met him. We bumped into each other and just out of nowhere, the scene became romantic that the people watching us thought of the situation to be very sweet. Then, he kissed me, not on the lips nor on the cheek but on the left side of my neck very near my jaw bone. It seems odd why he kissed me on that part, but i felt happy. Then, the next situation became very odd. He just left and seemed like it was just nothing. Well it's only a dream, so anything can happen in there. It's just a work of a restless brain based on emotions we may have been holding on for a long time and even present emotions we are dealing with, emotions we can't express to others and emotions we can't share with others, emotions kept hidden inside us.
But that dream made me realize something, that relationships unprepared, relationships which aren't called for at the right time will just vanish in just a blink of an eye and will keep you wondering why it ended up that way. Love, is not something we can work out immediately when we meet someone on the road or even anywhere. It is not something that will bloom in just one meeting. It's not love, it's just admiration or perhaps attraction. Attraction may easily come, but it will also easily fade.
What happened may just be a dream, but it clarified one thing in me, one thing I've been denying myself of all these days, one thing I'll keep on denying myself until the perfect time comes, one thing called love. Love, it seems very important, but the love I've received from my family and friends will keep me going for a little longer. Love, an intimate love - that I cannot give nor receive from someone right now. I've never dreamed of true love, but the love that will keep on burning until the very ends. True love may come once in a blue moon, but a love that's never fading is something we can work out for every single day we live with our partner. Until that day comes that I will be able to find the person who will be willing to give me an endless love, then I will just be here, savoring family's and friends' love, preparing myself and praying for the perfect time to be with the one who will be with me forever.

Longing for You

2010-04-22T01:25:00.004+08:00

Created April 15, 2010 upon waking up and had thought of who might be the one God had prepared for me. :)

I've been thinking lately about you,
about you who I haven't still met.
A person I would be loving.
You who can look at me
and see that glow in your face,
that glow telling me you love me.

This may sound like impossible,
but I don't really care, for I have God.
Anyway,
I have been thinking a lot about you.
I wonder why,
but I had realized one thing though.
I already love you.
Yes, it may sound absurd,
but I'm feeling it even now.
And I am loving you more each day
that I long to meet you very soon.

Also, there is this character in you.
God is the center of your life.
And you love Him more than me.
A sillhouette of you is in my mind.
I long to know your face.
But that doesn't matter,
because I know
I can recognize you once we met,
because God will tell me so.
Yes, because I had been longing for you
for so long that I know you very much.

I might be looking for this one person.
but who cares?

I know you are my man
and that is all that is there to that.
I may see many stunning guys for now,
but I know I still haven't met you.
And there is none like you.

So until then,
I'll just keep on dreaming about you.

Lots of love,

Positive in Everyway

2010-03-10T03:35:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, what we want is not always what is best for us... So, even if we feel like we aren't so sure of what we are doing, we should take it positively because we may never know what would be best for us until we've seen the fruits of what we are doing. Sometimes, it takes perseverance and patience to see what is destined and is best for us. I'm not saying that I am an expert on these things. But it all makes sense, as I tackle everyday's problems and to-do's I've seen that it's not always what we want. Sometimes we should take things on a different perspective and see if we can make something out of what we think is the worst thing that had happened to us. ;)

Enjoy life... It's not what we would be enjoying after all the trials,but it is how we dealt with it that matters. :)

Happy wednesday everyone.. ;)

I'm Reading Again!

2010-02-18T20:01:00.001+08:00

It’s been a long time since I really read my Bible. Yes, it’s almost a year since I haven’t read, and meditated on His word. And that year seemed like forever. I’ve never noticed too that my life also stopped the moment I stopped reading it.

You may think it’s absurd, but then, I can attest its truth. As I take a glimpse of what I had been this past year, I noticed that I had been into so many troubles and I had been so weak. Until this very moment that I’m writing this, I still feel that way. I still have so many troubles and I can’t find peace in everything I do. I can’t even see any progress in me no matter how I strive hard to succeed.

But, God talked to me again today. He again used Lysa. Today, as I read Lysa’s devotional, I had been reminded why I should be reading my Bible and how I should be reading it. At first, the very reason why I stopped reading it is because I can’t understand what I’m reading. Then, just now, I realized that I took it wrong. It doesn’t mean that if I can’t understand what I’m reading then I would stop reading it. Instead, I should be asking God’s help and direction so that I can fully understand what God is trying to tell me. It may take a while before I could get to understand everything He says, but then when I start asking wisdom and diligence from Him, I know that I can understand Him fully.

Just as what Lysa had experienced, it would take some time and constant deliberation. But, it’s all worth it. I want to reconnect with God. Nothing can ever help me except God. Whatever studying I might do, and how determined I am to study, without God’s wisdom, it would all be worthless and what I had worked hard for would just vanish with just one snap. Yes, it had happened to me lately. No matter how hard I study, without God on my heart, I can’t concentrate. I can’t think right and everything I had studied and worked hard for vanished in just a blink of my eye. Yes, it happened that fast. That day, I ended up with just nothing to write even if I studied and had prepared a lot for it.

At first, I thought it was just that I don’t have any inspiration and I am just stupid. But I was wrong. I could have had done that exam if I had just not lost my connection with the one who can always help me and who is always there. Without God on my side, I just feel as helpless as a cow ready to be slaughtered.

Connecting with God everyday is not just an ordinary thing on my to-do list. Reading His word is not just something I have to do because I am told to do it because I am a Christian and I am supposed to do it.

It takes conviction and dedication to really be able to read God’s word. So now, as I head up to finish this day and welcome tomorrow, I am determined to reconnect again with God, and this time, I would do it with conviction and dedication. God had said,

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper not harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

But Ii would not be able to see those things God had promised me if I would not reconnect with Him and love Him too. If I won’t let Him redirect my life from worthless things, then everything He had done and planned for me would just be wasted. I sure had wasted a whole year to worthless things, but now that I know the purpose and importance of God’s word, then I would do everything to let him preserve my life according to it.

The Strength I Need

2010-01-21T17:58:00.002+08:00

I wasn’t ready for my exams yet. But it is fast approaching. I had everything out of control. I felt like everything would crash and fall from my hands. I don’t know where to start and how to finish the things I need to do. But then God made something really wonderful. He used someone named Micca Campbell to talk to me and share me her encounter with Beth Moore and how God told her that He is the source of the strength she needs to continue everything she needs to do.

Micca told me how immeasurable God is. That He is the source of my strength.

Philippians 4:13,

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (NAS)

Yes, with God, I can have the strength I need to finish my studies and pass my subjects. I can even have more strength to extend and helping hand to whoever might need it today.

Maybe sometimes things fell apart. Maybe sometimes we need to fall just to see what we had missed. And I did saw it. For once in my life, I had understood that without God, I can’t do all things I need to do. I would have had quit if not for this encounter with Micca’s devotional.

God works in different ways. Some even unnoticed, but then, when we ask of Him, He always answers. Sometimes, we just have to take a look around. We might be surprised to see the answer just in front of us.

Today, as I read Micca’s encounter with Beth Moore, I was again strengthened by God. If Beth Moore has the strength to carry on with her ministry and so as Micca Campbell, then a common girl like me surely can.

Ephesians 3:16,

"That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power by His Spirit in the inner man." (NAS)

With God, everything is truly possible. He provides us with our needs. He gives us every chance to live for Him and in Him with every strength we need to fulfill His purpose for us.

Perfect Spice for Change

2010-01-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

There are times when we feel odd about our performances, that we feel like we haven’t given our best. There are even times that we wanted to change and make our lives become better. And I had just experienced that today.
When I was on my Electrical Circuits class, I can’t stop but overheard the conversation of my classmates. I envy them for the changes they were making on their studies. It was also my plan but I keep falling from my old habit of cramming up on the day before an exam.
Then, just now, I read the newsletter from Crosswalk with writer Lysa TerKeurst. Then, I realized that God is finding every means to be able to talk to me. He is talking to me through Lysa. What my problem is how I approach my plan of having a definite studying time and gain better grades. What my problem is? I didn’t lean on God. I lean on my own self, which is just wrong.
Lysa is right, I am made for more. She said, “I wasn’t made to live a life that dishonors the Lord.” It is true. I am not made for it. I am made for a greater purpose, a purpose pleasing to God and of which He had already planned ahead.
I wanted to be better but I keep stumbling. I really wondered what I should do to be like my classmates, full of self-trust, confidence and determination. Then, God spoke to me. He used Lysa Terkeurst to tell me what I lack which hinders me from having the change I want. God spoke to me and told me that I am made for more and that for me to be able to see that, I have to trust Him in directing my life to that purpose.
He even gave me this life changing verse to ponder on:

Proverbs 3:5-8, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."

God told me this, through her,

“Trust in the Lord-you were made for more. In all your ways acknowledge Him-you were made for more. Don't try to be wise and do your new diet in your own strength, hold tight to the Lord and flee from temptations-you were made for more. This will bring health and nourishment to you and help you find victory in this struggle-you were made for more!”

God is at work in giving us chances to live our lives for Him. God gave us a chance to make our lives better and pleasing to Him. God gave us a chance to live the purpose He had planned for us.
Now, I understand that I can’t make it on my own. I understand that I can’t do better on my Electrical Circuits class without God. I should trust, lean on and acknowledge Him in all the things I do. That is the spice I lack to have the perfect ingredient for change.

Philippine Agenda: Education and Corruption

2009-12-20T23:13:00.001+08:00

This one is a requirement for our Political Science 2 class. :)

Philippine Agenda, an eight part series presented by the GMA News and Public Affairs, is a pre-election special covering the issues which the soon to be elected officials should focus on. Two of the topics presented in our class were Education and Corruption.

I was so moved when I saw their Education entry. I had never considered before that the state of education in our country is getting worse and worse each year. I was so lucky that I had never experienced such thing. I graduated from a public grade school which is deemed to be competitive enough for our stage. In high school, I came from a state university wherein our classroom never exceeds 30 students. The facilities are not complete though but we vow to have the great teachers. This experience hindered and thus blinded me to see the real situation of education in the country.

The major problems presented in the video such as the lack of teachers which forces the students to be teachers just so as the class can go on, far school wherein students have to endure 7 kilometer walk starting 3 AM in the morning just to arrive at school for the flag ceremony, lack of facilities wherein black boards have big holes, two students have to share for a single chair and even sit on the floor, 100+ students are crammed in a small room, schools experience a high-drop out rate due to poverty, teachers lacks training and not being able to ensure quality education, students suffer malnutrition still due to poverty and even worse, a teacher has to side-line as a tricycle driver before and after class just to provide for his family’s needs are all very revolting.

What is even worst is that the government doesn’t seem to be doing anything to solve the problems. These problems occur due to the insufficient budget held by the government to fund for the students’ and teachers’ needs plus the sickening too much bureaucracy enables the officials to bring about their hidden agenda causing a lot more problems than imagined. Corruption occurs because there are people who allow it to happen. People who tolerate fixers and over-pricing are just examples of the people who criticize our country’s situation yet are still the people who let this happen. Plus there are these law officials who are supposed to ensure that this never happens but are still the ones who help these people. They make too many laws for graft and corruption, but do they implement these laws? More likely NO! It seems like these laws just serves s props so that we can say that they are doing their job. But are they really doing their job? More likely NO! Why can we say that? Why not when the recorded cases against government officials reaches 28,000 yet only 28 are being pledged guilty of their case?

And as what I had seen, the government doesn’t seem to be doing anything to resolve these problems. Transparency even is a problem in the country. Imagine a lamp post being bought to be 3 times higher that the original price? There’s over-pricing in there because we let it so. Records of such projects are held unavailable for the public. How can our country be progressive when things like this happen? Imagine 250 billion from the budget is lost every year, how can we progress with such a loss?

But what can we people do about this? There are these people who say that there is no cure to this. But no! Of course there is. Let’s start from ourselves. As what Aristotle had said, “Man is by nature a political animal.” With that piece in mind, can we say that we can cure this rotten system of government we have? Yes, of course we can. If we redirect our mind from a self-centered perception to a community-centered perception, in no time, I know that we can help prevent rapid corruption in our community. Then, let’s focus on the so much bureaucracy in our community. Let’s eradicate unimportant departments and focus on very important details instead. Then, the very simple one, support our local products. By this, we can support local entrepreneurs and help them grow. We are not helping just these people but also our community. Imagine having progressive local commercial establishments around our community, will we be much proud having these local entrepreneurs than having too many imports? Of course yes! More, we would not be depending on the people bringing their low quality products in our country. Let’s face it, this might be very hard, this might be like grabbing the stars from heavens, but political, economic and administrative advancements are possible. We just have to let this happen. We have to let this happen by stopping too much complaints and doing more work for our country. This seems to be too much ambitious but at least we have a great deal of ambition to materialize. This will be hard, but I know that together we surely can.

***No offense people this is just an opinion, a personal opinion caught up by the need to express reactions on the film for requirement completion for Political Science 2 class.

To a Lone Soul

2009-09-26T23:54:00.003+08:00

Love, ‘tis true,

‘Tis the very heart of human existence,

The embodiment of happiness and enlightenment,

Yet, one should overcome its piercing thorns,

Should never fall in its fiery lake, its hell,

Even if it fails,

No, it never forbids itself from its rightful path.

Love never forsakes.

Obstacles, ‘tis true.

One reason to cause its end,

Yet, the very reason for its strong hold.

No, ‘tis not you,

Not you who brought and dragged

That burden in you.

You are just a victim of such a painful test.

How can you truly acquire the love of others?

You alone can answer.

Love never forsakes.

Love will free your lone hearted soul

From its thorns, its pain, its grievous outcome.

You may not blame yourself

Of your accusations.

But no, you can have what others have,

As they may have what you have,

But you should and will always be you,

Made unique and beautiful in every way.

But you alone can decide

Hide; be satisfied of what you have become

Swim in the sea of self-prejudice and faltering.

No, you are not to blame of your perceptions.

Never let yourself be drowned in that darkness

And suffer its peak of grief and misery.

No, you will not be alone ‘til eternity

For ‘tis not yet the end of you.

For God had always considered your greatness

For you are of his image.

Why wait, when you will surely bear great fruits?

For one soul had already taken you from the darkness

From your grief and lonely thoughts

The gift that would change your perceptions,

Your thoughts,

Had long been given.

Of which no one else can give.

Yes, at long last,

Your soul could be unchained from the shadows of darkness,

Yes, you will feel, a sentiment of man,

At long last!

You will be freed of those thorns and pains

At long last!

Your soul be reincarnated.

For one had long been waiting,

Only you had long been waited,

To accept his very gift,

His precious and priceless gift.

One had long been waiting,

Only you had long been waited,

To see what he has done,

In that place called Calvary,

You had long been freed.

Yes one had long been waiting.

He had long been waiting.

Sentiment of a Lone Soul

2009-09-26T23:29:00.003+08:00

Love…

The main foundation of human existence,

An embodiment of happiness and enlightenment.

But one must endure its thousand thorns,

Its blazing fire of hell if it fails.

But how can it forbid itself from its rightful path?

How can these embodiment be only forsaken?

Why suffer its grievous outcome?

Obstacles,

One reason that caused to its end.

In accordance with its harmony,

One must sacrifice ones love for the sake of a greater good.

Indeed I have brought and drag this burden inside me.

How can I truly acquire the love of others?

A love that does not forsake me to a grievous outcome?

An outcome of enduring its thousand thorns? Its pain?

A pain that had and always been inside my lone hearted soul of mine?

I cannot blame myself for these accusations.

As I know well to myself that I can never have what others have.

I have relinquished myself by what I am to appear to others.

To this extent I clearly accept what I was made of.

Even if it had made my soul unfair and unfaithful: a prison of my self-prejudice and faltering.

Am I to be blame by these self perceptions?

Then I can do nothing but to be faded by the shadows of the lone vast empty space of darkness.

There my soul will suffer the peak of its grief and misery.

And in that moment of its cycle,

I would be alone forever: a grievous end of my soul.

If God had considered for my greatness,

Perhaps I will wait until time had come to its final moment.

Like trees that bear its fruit,

I would bear the same fruit.

If there would be a chance that one soul would cure me from this darkness,

These grief and lonely thoughts of mine,

Then I would personally embrace my soul to God.

For these gifts would change the path of my existence: my soul.

For love is a very wonderful sentiment of man.

Then at long last!

My soul could be unchained from the shadows of darkness!

For I have felt the sentiment of man!

At long last!

I have freed myself to these thousand thorns: these pains!

At long last!

My soul had been reincarnated!

If these endowments had longed to be true, then I shall live my life to its unfaltering…

---Virson T. Ebillo

(published with permission)

Hilbert's 10th problem

2009-09-19T21:24:00.002+08:00

here is a link to a copy of the article about the hilbert's 10th problem:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/19939196/Hilberts-10th-Problem-is-UnsolvableMartin-Davis

I hope you'll find this helpful in your studies.

please report to me any broen links or if you cannot dload the article.

Thanks.and I'd love to here a comment from you...

You Set Me Free

2009-09-16T20:33:00.006+08:00

I had always desired to know you,
Let myself be someone new,
Your name, so great,
Makes me feel complete.

But dark force is everywhere,
I can't hide to nowhere.
It makes me so trapped.
My wings can't be flapped.

Never forsake me.
Nor ever leave me.
You promised with glee,
with You I can be free.

----najiram lee

A REAL FRIEND

2009-09-11T18:41:00.007+08:00

Definitely friends forever...!!!:)
We may haven't grown up in the same neighborhood, entered the same grade and high school, and loved the same things but yes, we are totally friends forever...

I value her a lot... I am definite to keep her as my friend...

She's cute and talented and intelligent as well...
Yes she have the brains and beauty...

I know many people out there envy her a lot...
Shame they don't have her as a friend...

She may be shocked about this post when she'd find out about this, but I don't have a single regret about this post...

She's worth it...

thanks Mitch for always being there and for being a real friend...

:)

A Sonnet

2009-09-02T16:14:00.007+08:00

Once I had experienced how to love
But, oh Lord, why had it been a nightmare?
Was not our love been blessed from above,
Which we are not meant forever to share?

I'd rather die with love than live alone,
I'd said. For what a zombied fool with him I'd been,
Believing in him, now my heart is dead,
rotten and broken for what I've seen.

I do not want to cry alone at night
But neither would I hurry up a thing.
For truly, truly, true love can wait right?
then my heart, oh Lord, for now be resting.

And be waiting for the perfect moment
to be with you and forever be spent.

2009-08-07T22:11:00.005+08:00

Hashtable codes can be downloaded here.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/18239506/Hash-Table

http://www.scribd.com/doc/18239507/Hash-Table

please report any broken links...

or feel free to contact me if you cannot download the files...

Whom I Really Care

2009-07-28T17:10:00.006+08:00

I told you, you're the sunshine of my night,
That in every darkness you're my light,
Having the power to fight
to follow what is always right.

I thought that power would last,
but as days had passed,
that power had gone very fast,
and now you're alone thinking of our past.

I thought I do love you dear,
I am afraid to tell you very clear,
but I have to fight this fear,
for me to know whom I really care.

-- najiram lee --

Who am I?

2009-07-08T16:42:00.005+08:00

I am always like a white dove,
flying across the blue skies above.
Finding life like bed of roses,
where you're free and full of happiness.

I have the right to speak,
but why do am i like this?
My mouth is like a bird's beak,
cannot tell what I really feel.

Having this kind of life,
is not as simple as it looks like.
Even if you look happy,
deep inside you are lonely.

--Najiram Lee--

learn to give

2009-07-08T16:32:00.003+08:00

A 10 year old boy went to an ice cream shop and asked how much a cone cost.

Waiter said: 15 pesos

The boy started counting how much he had in his pocket. Then he asked how much a small cup costs.

Waiter said: 12 pesos

The boy asked for a small cup, he had it and paid the bill and left. When the waiter came to pick the empty cup, he was touched. The boy left three pesos as a tip for him.

LESSON: Learn to give something to anyone out of whatever little you have.

the best of life

2009-06-27T04:47:00.000+08:00

Once, I asked God, "How do I get the best of life?"

God answered: "Don't be a prisoner from your past, leave your past behind because you can never change the past, but you can correct your mistakes, handle your present with confidence, prepare for the future without fear."

Then He added, "Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs. Life is wonderful if you know how to live."